guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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