Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
