chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
