he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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