dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So much rum. So many feels.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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