I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
