do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
