I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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