I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
