I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dicks are not precious.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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