Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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