this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
