Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
