I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
