Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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