Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
