Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
