Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
