I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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