it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
