He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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