at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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