so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
