Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think i got beer on your cat.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
