i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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