His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
