I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
