So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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