Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
