hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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