if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm eating all of the evidence.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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