When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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