omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
