yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
