i used baking grease as lip gloss
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
