I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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