i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
