I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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