you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize