My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
