Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
