I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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