oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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