i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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