you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
