guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
