Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
