I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
