i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
