Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
