just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
