you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
