my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
only you would photoshop your dick
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
