thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
