I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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