it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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