im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
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They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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