Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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