Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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