"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
