Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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