You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
