you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
