I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
